Sentiments Express

I'm really looking forward to the Qiyam this Friday @ Masjid To... It's been such a long time since we had a qiyam. A couple of hours with Dr. Haddara should be inspirational inshallah- a chance for great insights into solutions of some issues I'm facing! When I look back, it's unbelievable how much I've kearnt from him- It never ceases to amaze me that he's an Electrical Engineering professor with a balanced activists life, and everytime I meet him, he always remembers the last conversation we had. He is one person whose advice I consider to be the most valuable and practical, and he's one of those few people who always have time for you even if you have long and boring explanations.
Inshallah we should win this Friday project- I hope I don't forget to take the YM flyers...

I had a very long day... Tuesday night to Wednesday was just crazy. I had so much work to finish and my computer gave up on me- I ended up staying until 3 @ work knowing that I had an 8am halaqa... plus, it was my friend's bday, and that was just the excuse to treat her out and catch up on things that have been on her mind... which just meant that I wasn't going to get enough sleep given that I wanted to fast the next day....

Last night I got very annoyed. First off, when I woke up for tahajjud @ 4am, I found my brother awake, which meant that he didn't sleep and probably did nothing useful. Then, as I closed the door for complete privacy, he started chatting with my parents! I felt so left out because I could hear both of them clearly, yet I didn't want to alter my plans since I really wanted to spend time praying. I heard my brother tell them that he was intending to fast, and I realised that meant I should make him something to eat, otherwise he'll just have cereal. so... I decided to steal 45 min from my allotted time to make him something- he told them that he was going to pray tahjjud as well and then sehri before going to sleep. He came into the kitchen and seeing that I wasn't done frying, went back. It was 6:10 and that meant only 10 min to eat! And guess what? My dear brother is fast asleep. That was the last straw. He spent the entire night playing games, and then after chatting with my parents went back to them, and just when it was time for fajr conveniently falls asleep, not to mention I had to break my concentration because of that.
I was supposed to pray witr which I forgot in my attempts of trying to wake him up.

I just don't understand- if you can stay up all night, why not a few more minutes to earn reward for the prayer that is so dear to Allah?

I decided I'd stay late @ work until I'm sure my temper has cooled down. Except I don't want to stay late because I just feel tired! I wouldn't scold him for something like this, because that has no effect, but I wish I had a solution to make him realise his mistake!
Stupid computer games...aaaaaaah! and MSN as well, I'm sure. I wish there was a way of getting him out of this sticky web. I think I've tried talking to him about everything that I could come up with- $20,000 in tuition/yr, living away from parents, achieving high goals, irrelevance of this dunya, my parents dreams and hopes...

He promised me this semester would be better, but I don't see the light @ the end of the tunnel yet. I hope it's true- otherwise he really is flinging himself into a deep well. I feel bad about him having to do the laundry all by himself this time... I fear blaming him for my own shortcomings, which is what most eldest siblings end up doing, and I feel I may have said something to that effect which is so wrong........oh dear, I've to improve myself so much!

In any case, I got a lot of work done, the guys @ work made fun of me saying that I should just switch to night shifts, made it to my halaqa, surived 8 hrs @ work, went out for dinner... biked back in the crazy rainy weather on Dundas St and it seemed as if everyone just wanted me off the road, woke up for tahajjud and fasted... and tonight I've to finish up work for Sick Kids, my halaqa and prepare my plan for Dr. Haddara and plan ahead for the Qiyam Friday night.
I'm extremely nervous about my exam now... I have an iftar invitation on Saturday and a henna party @ Nadia J's house in 'Sauga sunday morning... which I means I'll have to skip both.. and what's even scarier is I haven't done my memorisation for this week having had to catch up with so many other things....
I can't locate the books I needed to study for the Al Maghrib exam which means I'll have to rely on my notes, and that's not enough because the exam is supposed to be tough.
Reminds me of my poem- Nothing to Give- doors et al.
As long as I don't forget to apply for the Can Fitness Pro certification course this weekend... I have to revamp my resume completely and I wish I could get it looked over! Getting into this is once in a lifetime chance...

Alhamdulillah, I can breathe, see, hear, smell, sense, taste and touch. I think I'm gonna go home...